Painful Love

Assalamualaikum.

It was a little while after we know each other that I fall in love with you. I know your stories, I love listening to them. I remember  them. I love your sad stories and your happy ones. I love seeing your happy face. Sometimes you annoys me but I never felt angry. For once, I didn’t felt angry. 

I want to see you everyday.

Your face, your tease, your childish acts.

I asked myself, why this happens to me? I don’t want to fall in love with you. When you say you don’t like it how girls confessed to you, I decided to swallow this love and make it go away. 

We continue to meet each other and everyday I learn something new about you.

 I love it.

Your ugly side, your gentle self, your angry face and grumpy mumbling.

I love all of them.

It should’ve stop.

I told myself, I will keep this secret and then it will fade away. I can do that. For a little while longer, let these feelings go unnoticed and nothing will change.

We will be friends. You will still treat me the same.

But it was cruel. That one fateful day, it just takes one day to ruin me.

It happens.

You meet her.

Now, it’s not only me by your side. 

There is her. She is important. I’m just a friend..

But it will be okay as long as I keep it a secret.

But the feelings were too overwhelming. It poured out and I cried. I didn’t mean to. I don’t want it too.

I guess the secret is out from the bag.

You know it.

Ahh, stupid me. I just can’t keep my plan intact. 

But it’s okay…I will recover. 

All this pretty memories, I’ll keep them in a frame inside my heart.

It makes me cry every time I remembered them because I’m happy with this memories. But they also like little knives cut into my heart and made it bleeds.

It’s okay. The pain reminds me of you.

If you are ever in pain, I will be there. “It’s okay.” I will always say this to you because I will never leave you. No matter what happen.

So, this is my little selfish secret.

I love you.

But I can never say it in words in front of you.

You know it.

But I can’t say it.

I’m torturing myself but whenever you feel like coming back, I am still here.

Only for you.

I will accept you wholly.

Your ugliness, your gentleness, your playfulness and yourself.

I will still love you.

Its not fading away.

But when it does,

I’m sorry. I am gone forever.

By that time,

Let’s be friends.