I'm back, Sarawak.

Assalamualaikum. 

Its 13rd of February. The day I will return to Bumi Kenyalang for my studies.
I can't wait.
Yes, You read it right. I am excited to be back to Sarawak. I am not embarrassed by it.
I love being at Sarawak but it is also sad. I don't want to leave my family.
I guess this is what students feel when they have to be away from their parents. 

No more "mommy can I have your special Laksa tomorrow?" 

No more "dad can you help me open this can?"

No more "Sis, can you tell me how to edit this picture?"

No more "sis, which part of that horror game are you at?"

No more teasing, no more all three of us sisters cooped up in that stuffy hot room screaming at TV screen while playing game. 

It is painful but I need to leave.
I leave home around 12pm in the noon and arrived there around one something. My flight it as 3.25pm and check in at 2.45pm.
Still plenty of time to go. So my family and I went to the Merrybrown to eat our last lunch together. /damn that sounds sad/

The meal costs us well 75MYR. well, damn son.
That was costly. 

I brought my sister ice creams as my last treat for them then I went to the boarding area.
Yes, yes, I look fine but it is sad. I didnt talk much when 2 days before I return to Sarawak.
Then my flight was delayed for well 10 minutes, you are forgiven, Air Asia. Hehe
But the ride is the most bumpy ride I ever been in a plane. I get sick in the first 5 minutes and force myself to sleep.

I arrived at Kuching Airport around 5pm something.
I did expecting Stanley and Shiro to be there but of course it is them and I ended up waiting until six.
We meet and truth to be told, I felt like I havent seen them in ages.
Shiro is with his new hairstyle. I like it but I love the old one better. /you will never be my Virus or Trap ==/
Stanley seems to have lose some weight and I heard he's going to the gym. /w0w/
but both of them still as goofy as crazy as I remember which makes me happy.
We went to McDonald and play a few rounds of Vanguard there. I got beaten badly by Shiro new Aqua Force that have 16 bloody stand trigger. /dafuq, bro?/
As if beating the old one is not hard enough.
He treat me to burger which I must stay, take 10 seconds for my brain to process. hahaha im so sorry but thats the truth.
We meet and talk for a few hours as I starting to get dizzy from the flight.
We then /of course, Stanley is driving/ went to Matang. We ended up losing ways here and there but I enjoyed myself. It might sounds silly but the time us three spend together in that car is one of the moments I enjoyed in my simple life.
We reach my roommate (Aina)'s friend house near 10pm and even then I am brimming with happiness.
Im truly glad I meet them :)
This is like my form three life but as adult teenager.
I sincerely wish the tragedy at that time won't repeat itself.
Please let me be happy this time.
With that in mind..
I am back. Sarawak.

p/s: i do feel happy but this feeling of impending doom never stop. 

Painful Love

Assalamualaikum.

It was a little while after we know each other that I fall in love with you. I know your stories, I love listening to them. I remember  them. I love your sad stories and your happy ones. I love seeing your happy face. Sometimes you annoys me but I never felt angry. For once, I didn’t felt angry. 

I want to see you everyday.

Your face, your tease, your childish acts.

I asked myself, why this happens to me? I don’t want to fall in love with you. When you say you don’t like it how girls confessed to you, I decided to swallow this love and make it go away. 

We continue to meet each other and everyday I learn something new about you.

 I love it.

Your ugly side, your gentle self, your angry face and grumpy mumbling.

I love all of them.

It should’ve stop.

I told myself, I will keep this secret and then it will fade away. I can do that. For a little while longer, let these feelings go unnoticed and nothing will change.

We will be friends. You will still treat me the same.

But it was cruel. That one fateful day, it just takes one day to ruin me.

It happens.

You meet her.

Now, it’s not only me by your side. 

There is her. She is important. I’m just a friend..

But it will be okay as long as I keep it a secret.

But the feelings were too overwhelming. It poured out and I cried. I didn’t mean to. I don’t want it too.

I guess the secret is out from the bag.

You know it.

Ahh, stupid me. I just can’t keep my plan intact. 

But it’s okay…I will recover. 

All this pretty memories, I’ll keep them in a frame inside my heart.

It makes me cry every time I remembered them because I’m happy with this memories. But they also like little knives cut into my heart and made it bleeds.

It’s okay. The pain reminds me of you.

If you are ever in pain, I will be there. “It’s okay.” I will always say this to you because I will never leave you. No matter what happen.

So, this is my little selfish secret.

I love you.

But I can never say it in words in front of you.

You know it.

But I can’t say it.

I’m torturing myself but whenever you feel like coming back, I am still here.

Only for you.

I will accept you wholly.

Your ugliness, your gentleness, your playfulness and yourself.

I will still love you.

Its not fading away.

But when it does,

I’m sorry. I am gone forever.

By that time,

Let’s be friends.