I'm back, Sarawak.

Assalamualaikum. 

Its 13rd of February. The day I will return to Bumi Kenyalang for my studies.
I can't wait.
Yes, You read it right. I am excited to be back to Sarawak. I am not embarrassed by it.
I love being at Sarawak but it is also sad. I don't want to leave my family.
I guess this is what students feel when they have to be away from their parents. 

No more "mommy can I have your special Laksa tomorrow?" 

No more "dad can you help me open this can?"

No more "Sis, can you tell me how to edit this picture?"

No more "sis, which part of that horror game are you at?"

No more teasing, no more all three of us sisters cooped up in that stuffy hot room screaming at TV screen while playing game. 

It is painful but I need to leave.
I leave home around 12pm in the noon and arrived there around one something. My flight it as 3.25pm and check in at 2.45pm.
Still plenty of time to go. So my family and I went to the Merrybrown to eat our last lunch together. /damn that sounds sad/

The meal costs us well 75MYR. well, damn son.
That was costly. 

I brought my sister ice creams as my last treat for them then I went to the boarding area.
Yes, yes, I look fine but it is sad. I didnt talk much when 2 days before I return to Sarawak.
Then my flight was delayed for well 10 minutes, you are forgiven, Air Asia. Hehe
But the ride is the most bumpy ride I ever been in a plane. I get sick in the first 5 minutes and force myself to sleep.

I arrived at Kuching Airport around 5pm something.
I did expecting Stanley and Shiro to be there but of course it is them and I ended up waiting until six.
We meet and truth to be told, I felt like I havent seen them in ages.
Shiro is with his new hairstyle. I like it but I love the old one better. /you will never be my Virus or Trap ==/
Stanley seems to have lose some weight and I heard he's going to the gym. /w0w/
but both of them still as goofy as crazy as I remember which makes me happy.
We went to McDonald and play a few rounds of Vanguard there. I got beaten badly by Shiro new Aqua Force that have 16 bloody stand trigger. /dafuq, bro?/
As if beating the old one is not hard enough.
He treat me to burger which I must stay, take 10 seconds for my brain to process. hahaha im so sorry but thats the truth.
We meet and talk for a few hours as I starting to get dizzy from the flight.
We then /of course, Stanley is driving/ went to Matang. We ended up losing ways here and there but I enjoyed myself. It might sounds silly but the time us three spend together in that car is one of the moments I enjoyed in my simple life.
We reach my roommate (Aina)'s friend house near 10pm and even then I am brimming with happiness.
Im truly glad I meet them :)
This is like my form three life but as adult teenager.
I sincerely wish the tragedy at that time won't repeat itself.
Please let me be happy this time.
With that in mind..
I am back. Sarawak.

p/s: i do feel happy but this feeling of impending doom never stop. 

Painful Love

Assalamualaikum.

It was a little while after we know each other that I fall in love with you. I know your stories, I love listening to them. I remember  them. I love your sad stories and your happy ones. I love seeing your happy face. Sometimes you annoys me but I never felt angry. For once, I didn’t felt angry. 

I want to see you everyday.

Your face, your tease, your childish acts.

I asked myself, why this happens to me? I don’t want to fall in love with you. When you say you don’t like it how girls confessed to you, I decided to swallow this love and make it go away. 

We continue to meet each other and everyday I learn something new about you.

 I love it.

Your ugly side, your gentle self, your angry face and grumpy mumbling.

I love all of them.

It should’ve stop.

I told myself, I will keep this secret and then it will fade away. I can do that. For a little while longer, let these feelings go unnoticed and nothing will change.

We will be friends. You will still treat me the same.

But it was cruel. That one fateful day, it just takes one day to ruin me.

It happens.

You meet her.

Now, it’s not only me by your side. 

There is her. She is important. I’m just a friend..

But it will be okay as long as I keep it a secret.

But the feelings were too overwhelming. It poured out and I cried. I didn’t mean to. I don’t want it too.

I guess the secret is out from the bag.

You know it.

Ahh, stupid me. I just can’t keep my plan intact. 

But it’s okay…I will recover. 

All this pretty memories, I’ll keep them in a frame inside my heart.

It makes me cry every time I remembered them because I’m happy with this memories. But they also like little knives cut into my heart and made it bleeds.

It’s okay. The pain reminds me of you.

If you are ever in pain, I will be there. “It’s okay.” I will always say this to you because I will never leave you. No matter what happen.

So, this is my little selfish secret.

I love you.

But I can never say it in words in front of you.

You know it.

But I can’t say it.

I’m torturing myself but whenever you feel like coming back, I am still here.

Only for you.

I will accept you wholly.

Your ugliness, your gentleness, your playfulness and yourself.

I will still love you.

Its not fading away.

But when it does,

I’m sorry. I am gone forever.

By that time,

Let’s be friends. 

Assalamualaikum.
So this post won’t be like those normal daily posts of what going on in my life for a day.
warning: EMO post ahead.
So today I was feeling bitter, stressed and even restless. Cut that, I have been feeling like this since last night. The thing is I think I have said something wrong and she is clearly pissed at me.
I am aware of that. If she’s not pissed then maybe annoyed or irritated. Overall bad emotions.

AND I KNOW IT.

I even asked her but of course she said no  I am fine. No. Its cool.
I didn’t mean to be some nosy prick but dude, I can see that you are upset and its upsetting me! I keep asking and asking and asking and I always got the same answer.
its frustrating and she knows it.
I give you an example, You know your friend is dying from a disease and only she knows the cure to it. You as a friend, wants to help her. Want to be a use of her but she REFUSE to share it with you.
How do you feel? You want to save her life but she wouldn’t tell how.
That is how I have been feeling.

She called, she wants me to talk and yes, I talk, I tell some random shits, some updates of my life and what I heard back from her is like the tip of the iceberg. 
Its like how Haki feels for Saki. 
Its upsetting me, I feel like I want to cry but I can’t (because I’m at student pavilion right now.) 
no..that is one of the reason..I can’t cry because I want to be strong for her. 
I was talking and she is doing her work. What would she feel if I do that to her? I don’t want to come clean, it will turn into a cold war like right now. 
I understand that she is busy and I am not forcing her to do anything. If you can’t text or call, just tell me. Rather than me feeling like I am talking to the phone all by myself. 
Even sometimes in text aside from rp, I hardly get any long reply. 
I know she is action speaks louder than words but right now, I am at Sarawak. I can’t see your actions…can’t you at least show me that you still care?
And if she ever read this post, she will be upset again but hey, I am all alone at this land and I got no one to talk to. I don’t have my sister with me and the one I am close with is currently on a cold war with me. 
Do you know how I feel? No you don’t.
You will never understand. 
You’d be a liar if you say yes.
Kuro signing off. 

p/s: ……

Assalamualaikum
Yesterday is the first day of class. I woke up at 6am something with the burning passion to go to the class LOL
I arrived there around 7am something but class won’t start until 8am.
Slowly the class is filling up, not to mention the ones with the wrong room and everything.
We wait and wait and wait until it was well past 9 o’clock.
We started to get restless until some of the guys went out.
Turns out to be that THERE IS NO CLASS on that day but the one on 2 o’clock.
I was very irritated but then I also knows that the schedule is changed. Now it turns out to be that we got new schedule and that is how my frustrating and messy morning went. By the time 2 o’clock I already made my way back into the class. This time it’s History of Arts.
We didn’t do anything too hard yet, just mere introduction. Our lect would be Mr.Sylvester and he happens to be a very interesting guy. So far I enjoyed the class and glad to know that he is teaching several others. He is a student himself from UM and he isn’t that young. (in case you guys have the wrong imagination right now)
I went back home, Scott and Aina was there but they are leaving for their class. I ended up at the house alone which I use it to wash all of my remaining clothes and clean up everything.
By the night I’m watching running man and that’s about it for today I guess?
Some shitty things happened and I am now depressed so yes ladies and gentlemen. I am in very foul mood as I wrote this post. Forgive me for the lack of humor. I realize that too.
Kuro signing off.

P/s: I won’t feel any good for a few days. Yay.

NAGA MERAH /red dragon/

Assalamualaikum.
I realize that I haven’t been uploading anything on the blog for two days I think?
I have been thinking, for me to post everything is a bit impossible. So I’m gonna change it to irregular pattern. LOL
First of all, hey guys, Kolej Bunga Raya (Bunga Raya College) WIN for overall Majlis Peraluan Pelajar (MAP) (Student welcoming ceremony).
We also win for sculpture from recycled items and debate.
The only trophy we didn’t manage to win is the one for cheers.
I can tell you we already give 100% of everything. Proof? My currently sore throat. I think I can sing like a rock star now. *cue rock bgm*
The day after MAP is over, we literally got nothing to do.
But I wake up (a bit) early and wash some of the clothes that was piling up like a fugly mountain.
I manage to wash half of them since I ran out of hangers.
I then registered a few courses for this semester. In the end, I only got small credit for total so I need to step up the next sem and apply everything as soon as I can.
(I didn’t get to apply for Japanese too..its full QAQ) *insert ugly cry here*
Then we (my housemates and me) went to the pavilion (fuck yea we have a pavilion here XD)
We brought some stuffs and then proceeds to our faculty. We need to find our classes bro. Can’t be late for the first day now can we?
After looonggggg and haaardddd search, we didn’t found our class but when we are trying to get back to our college we stumbled on the class. Lol…that sounds soooo wrong. 
But yeah, LUCKY.
…..
my lucky didn’t last that long. Soon the day grew darker as an evil lord com-- *slapped*
I mean the dark could starts rolling in and I am 1000% at that time that it will rain.
The thing is ladies and gentlemen. I GOT MY LAPTOP IN MY BAG. Along with my charger, phone.
I don’t mind me being a little wet but these things will be RUINED if we gonna go through the rain.
We run and run and run and find a shelter at Cempaka’s college (ppsst..i feel like a spy. Teehee)
But I brought some stuffs at their mini shop. I thought we need to wait until the rain subside which by the way looks like it refuse to stop.
But our mate Scott, expertly takes us around the corners of the buildings and blocks and before I knew it, we are walking with only wet shoes and at the end of my pants.
Scott brought a garbage bag so I put my bag in there. Poor guy, you are not and never a trash to me, hun QAQ
We get really wet when we are crossing to our block tho. It was pouring and being me, I hold the lamp pole and start singing Hindustan while spinning around. It was carzy and I don’t regret it. LOL. Have some fun bro~
After we arrived home, wet, cold and a little high, we sit around as we start to plan to clean up our house. Surprisingly, we did clean everything and arrange everything. Now the place looks a little homely.. J
I miss home.

ANNNNYWAYS. *refuse to be an emotional mess ball* We spend the night together, laughing, getting to get each other better. It feels great and we laugh a lot that night.
Manda even cooked rice and we brought the dishes from a café.
After everything is done, I went into my room, iron my clothes and prepare everything I need for tomorrow.
University life is really starting right now.
Kuro signing off.

P/s: Siapa Kami?
Naga Merah, Naga Merah
Siapa Mereka?
Lawan Kita, Lawan Kita,
Nak Buat Apa?
Terkam Dia,
Siat Dia,
Makan Dia,
HAHAHA

Eng trans: Who are we?
Red Dragon, Red Dragon,
Who are they?
Our rival, Our rival,
What to do?
Jumps on them,
Shred them,
Eat them,
HAHAHA

((And that is our best cheers among the others for me <3 ))

Assalamualaikum~
Today is the day of debate rounds. Its being held at night so we practice for the whole morning. We have to perform once to the head principle of the college I am staying at and I shit you not, he is not scary but very intimidating. He want nothing but the best. 

By the noon we are going to the main hall again for some practice for a main event here at the University. "Majlis Ikrar Pelajar" which is a MUST.
or you can't graduate. Meh.
Well now, for LUNCH. we have PIZZA!! I was so happy to eat something so familiar. The food here didn't taste the same even though they are not not tasty.
It kinda confiscate for yesterday breakfast and evening break. They give us this DELICIOUS sandwich which is layered with ham, eggs and also salads. Everyone got full and I only have half of the sandwhich which makes me sad. Me likey my sandwich ><

After that we continue practice and have more silly jokes.
At night, I am up and high again thanks to the sleep I took in the hall. I dont give a fuck, I was too sleepy QAQ
For the debate we have one lose and one win. We got through to the semi final and we will have to see for tomorrow.
Im signing off now, sorry for the short post but I am tired and my humor juice is dead. HALP. Night.

p/s: am I turning to some high class gypsies like a certain person said to me?! *gasp* 

Assalamualaikum.
this post is for 4th September.
Honestly at this point, I am starting to get used to the long walks. Torturous walk and shit.
Today I was sitting at the front of the line, there is this one Chinese girl. I think she's blind or some sight deficiency. Anyways, since our LO is very caring, they talk to the girl, ask her this and that. When we are about to eat, the LO guy helo her with the foods, even offering to feed her. The girl gently decline but the girls NEXT to me who is perfectly healthy was all like "oohh we are sooo jealous, we want to be feed too~~"
or some shit like that. I was baffled with all this.
I mean yes, the guy is being all sweet and nice but you are perfectly healthy, why would you wish for 

sickness like that girl.
She cant see, she cant join us having fun, she is sitting all alone!!
despite how hospitalize the treatment they gave, she still ends up alone. That also makes me realize that I shouldn't complaint too much about all these things.
I should be grateful with what I had.
That night, we have a meet up for debate. I skipped the previous one and I was scared if I'm falling behind but apparently I didn't. I did think to quit this but I give it a try anyways and I got good review which makes my day. People actually
recognize me as someone who can debate all on my own :)
Now for the last part, I know I suppose to post this the day before but the thing is for the past three days, I only slept like 2 hours so it was hell for me. I come back to my room, prepares everything and pass out for the count. You cant blame me D<
Kuro is signing off. tata!

p/s: I never felt so sleepy!

Hellish walk, sit and listen x3

Assalamualaikum.
Third day. They say the third is the charm. Well I say fuck you.
Today started early which is around 4.00am early. Yes. THROW THE BLOODY CONFETTI!
We were given breakfast at 7.00am which I eat gratefully.
AFTER THAT. We went to a 30 minutes journey to the hall (DeTAR).
I am not amused by all these. NOT AT ALL.
We ended up sitting in the hall with boring speeches. Some of them are great and I had fun with them.
...that was how basically my day today. Sitting and listening.
We did a lot of cheering and pissing off the other college. hehehe. that I loike.
Yesterday night before we went back to our respective rooms, I (along with couple of other students) saw a single shooting star.
We were like "DID JOO SEE THAT?!!!"
along with the Liaison Officer. HAH.
I can only say that it was BEAUTIFUL. I remember a couple weeks ago my sisters and I stay outside to watch the shooting stars as the news said and we just ended up playing with each others hair and creeping our Indian neighbor. Sorry uncle.
This is one of the things that I wish I can draw when I had time. Please remind me again about this.
If you think yesterday's post is shitty, today I got no drawing for you guys. It was 12.15am when I reached our room and I am wet. WITH SWEAT. We had those 30 mins walk again and the area here is quite foggy from the weather and the natural cold.
In my mind, random shadows starts popping up. Thank you Persona 4 ==
I can't even think clearly on what I'm writing right now and these bloody emotional Naruto bgm is NOT HELPING! Bitch.
It's 12.37am now and I am off to bed. (not. I need to settle my clothes for tomorrow too. FML.)
Kuro signing off.

p/s: enough reading. I cant even read i mean write i mean.uhhh..type right. Night guys. Have a wonderful day tomorrow and in case you are wondering (which you are not) I NEED TO GET UP AT 4 AGAIN. 

Assalamualaikum.
Second day of life at University. We started with nothing that morning. Just being a lazy ass and worrying about how rain makes out clothes stays wet.
Yesterday which I forgot to mention, I actually have a man to man combat with my cupboard (that would be a man to ..cupboard isn't it?)

I went into my room only to find that my cupboard was busted and the door can't even open or close properly. Stupid thing. So being the I-don't-want-to-go-down student I tried fixing it myself.

and I worked fine after I fixed it. Using via hand, hammer is a mere illusion.
By the evening I take a bath and walks out with my over the top spiky and wet, messy hair. two of my apartment mates? (damn their title keeps changing) also walks out from their room and surprised to see me.

I don't know that they are really startled or they just think I'm a dude at the wrong house. But they smiled as soon as I opened my mouth.
Well, onto today's journal. After a day of doing nothingness, 2 times electricity being cut off, we get down (I had a cup of free Vico, bring back memories of primary school)and we got assembled.
We are then divided into groups and I ended up on Group Nine.
(Nine tailed fox..jk)

I get to know this Miri girl, Marilyn. Damn beautiful (does everyone from Sarawak beautiful?)
We get to do ice breaking session after a rushed dinner. We started with introduction, cliche I know. But the Liason Officer (LO) wants trademark along. Damn it. I got no choice in that short time thus I come out with "Got that memorized?" Which I clearly stolen from Kingdom Hearts game. (go check the game out. AMAAAZING.)
All of my credits to Axel. We then continue onto stupid but fun games and the LO said he wanted to teach us a clap. I was betting some lame-ass clap when he said "PENGUIN clap" Being the one with Penguin nickname I felt jittery which is weird. LOL
We do it anyways and I would have drawn it I swear, if I have time.
We finished everything around 10.40pm something. I stayed back to sign up my name for Malay debate. I don't even know why I do that stupid thing but I did it. Oh well, too late to back down so lets just get it ON. Just gotta give it my best now.
Kuro signing off for today.

P/s: my housemates/apartment mates/roommates..whatever you called it..I got to know three of them. The one in the same room with me is Aina from Kedah. Open minded girl. I have fun. The two others is Manda and Scott from Sarawak. Yes, I was surprised with Scott's name too but she is beauuutiful.

Assalamualaikum.
Today is the 1st of September. Where I will be registering at Unimas as a university student. This post is about to summarize all of the things that have been happening to me.
Yesterday we arrived at Kucing Airport around 12 pm-ish. We got burgers for breakfast and lunch (my parents and me) which isn't really fit with my dad traditional taste. (but he had them anyways. hehe)

After that we went to the hotel where we will be staying for the night. The hotel was fun and got good service too. I was too hyped on the scanning card at the elevator. LOL.
We went to buy the last stuffs for me including pail, soap etc etc and take a stroll down the Waterfront near us..We went to look for the famous Kek Lapis Sarawak to no avail. ALL THE SHOP IS CLOSED! Its 31st August. Public holiday for our nation Independence Day.

With (not so) devastated heart we all went back to the hotel and settles in for the night. We did eat some meal before that.
I shit you not that my taste bud just experience a culture shock (not in a good way.)
The next morning, we woke up early. Which is a very hard task for me because its so early and so cold while the bed is so soft and so warm.

The same goes for shower since the water is so warm and outside is so friggin cold. We took a cab and went straight to Unimas.
There I see tons of faces that I didn't know but so sure belong to the same college.
After went through tons of counters and waiting and going through rain (just gotta experience it all today ==), I finally get my room keys. Hooray!
When I look at it, I swear I thought it was somekind of complex code or something.

Lucky for me the nice Liason Officer (LO) brother is willing to help me decipher this impossible code. And to my newest horror I found out that my room is on the third floor. 

(yeah, you can't even see my floor.)
The first thing I decide in my mind is that I will stay in my room for as much as I can. I don't even care if I'm not gonna eat.

Anyways, on my hellish way up a kind uncle help me with my bag. Thank you so much, Uncle. I think I thanked you before but I am not sure because I am so worn out at that point.
BUT THANK YOU.
So there were 4 mini room in the room? and I got the room with another girl. She looks very nice and sweet too. I like her already. I have not yet see the other room/housemate because we all cooped up in our room. (me included.)
My mom and dad left few words to remember by since I will be so far away from home. I will do my best to remember everything and be good.
I got my study table facing the field and more buildings. It was nice for me (a little too bright. HISSS!) and I am done tidying up everything too.
I feel extremely hardworking and I hope its not because heat of the moment only. I really want to get serious now that I'm in a university.
All activities start tomorrow evening and until then, Kuro signing off for today :D

p/s: I have not yet feel home sick but I hope I won't. I don't want to curls into a ball of emotions. >w<

REVIVAL

As the title suggest, Im reviving this blog again. Ahahaha...
When was the last time I post here? During my early Form 6 as I check. 

A lot of stuffs as happen and I just want to share the good news.

I had my bad days and soon I will be a University student. FINALLY. I can't tell you how much relieve I felt when i got the news. Finally I made my parents proud. Finally I have proven myself. 

The overwhelming sensation of accomplishment drowns in me but the reality sinks in. I can't be happy with only this. I need to be better. I need to do more to make them proud. I want to be that child that my parents look with proud eyes. 

Anyways, that's about it for my update. I will start University life on September. So, I got approximately one month to settle playing all PlayStation games and watching anime.

Oh yes, that part of me still haven't change. Anime and Manga for life. Ahaha XD
Although, I feel like I have grown mature a bit? A BIT. 

P/s: Soon-to-be Art Student <3

Do you even try?

hai~

well, last night was harsh. hahaha. my fault at some part and also i think its unfair ==

yea yea i know teenagers rebellion taste like shit

because they always think they are right.

but im just wondering, do they even try to understand what i like?

i like japanese band, they never even try to ask what is it that makes me like them,

all they ever said is..

"you dont even understand them."

"they looks like demon worshiper"

and i was like " =A= does The Gazette looks like a bunch of hot dude that worship demons?

sigh...and anyway...were they even try to understand my passion?

i never once hear they compliment my art.

i really just want to hear what they think.

all they ever do is telling me to study n study and study...

its so depressing..

my aunt once said,

"kids these days are so sad...they cant explore their passion, parents always thinks about turning them to lawyer and doctors like there no other job exist"

i agree with her..

well then...

i guess there's not much i can do but bow down and obey.

and yeah, im still a rebelling child since doing things that i like is considered to be me rebelling against them.

just because i took form 6 route to continue my studies..

oh this harsh world.

until next time.

~owari~

Assignment

hey all,

oh wow, for this last two days i have been really busy with finishing my business management assignment, well, serves me for doing it last minute.

but there are some complications that happened in the making.

oh well, its the part and parcel in life (did i get that right? XD)

last night i stay up till 1.30am and my body shut down at 2.30am

really, its tiring but i have to admit, i feel fun doing it.

i dont know why dont said im a freak for liking in doing my assignment.

LOL oh yeah, i think tomorrow, we going to take some picture and videos for our marketing purpose and product adv.

looking forward to it.

i got my economy paper today, looks like i pass well, that's a relief.

though one of my friend said that i got to focus either on Economy or History..

ugh...i dun wanna fail but i certainly want to ace the History next time!

lastly,

IM LACKING IN SLEEP!

~Owari~

SMK Dato' Hamzah

walah....

dah berapa lama aku tak singgah?

berkurun kot. sampai dah lupa nama blog sendiri, kehehehe~

anyhow, updates!

i am now continuing my studies at SMK Dato' Hamzah.

this school got some reputation but you know what?

its not as bad as the rumors goes.

i mean it is an all boys school

but they still know respect! and the environment is fun~

the teachers is awesome just so you know ==, i like them

i have ended my Final Year Exam, im waiting for the results now.

it freaks me out thinking about it,

im especially worried about my History, both Malaysia and World.

i hope i can do just fine and pass all.

i studied but i dont know if its enough or not.

i was thinking to start blogging again, you know

as usual, releasing tension and all.

this is a plain, usual and just another blog entry from me.

Adios~

Netball games ya all~

As'kum.
heya all, last Saturday i got sports event and sports carnival.

long story short, we gotta run and participate in a sport activities afterwards.
so i got participate in a netball game.
its a surprise but heck, we through the first round up until the final
in the final we went head to head with the teacher's team
and what hell it was D:
we all down with injury and lose T_T
ah well, at least we got second place.
and me?
i got injured too
twisted ankle. and it swollen as we speak ><
and like its fate last night my cousin accidentally stepped on it ahaha :'D
looks like this gonna be one more memories in my life~
fun. fun. fun
Eat. Sleep.Play
Live.Live.Live
(NETBALL. its deadly :P)

that's all for now,
until next time. Chiao~